Sooo…ummm…last night Jay and I went and toured the labor and delivery unit at the hospital where i will be having the baby.  I was excited.  I had a lot of questions about where we go in, how we get there, where do we park the car etc. 

So we are standing in one of the delivery rooms (different from where you will actually be staying AFTER the baby comes).  And the nurse is chattering away about doctors and specialists and how long you will be in the room and It occurs to me that there is actually a baby coming…out of me….suddenly all of the baby gear purchases, decorating the nursery, and happy scenes from A Baby Story leave my mind, and it is flooded with the scenes where the woman is screaming things like “GET IT OUT”. 

For 34 1/2 weeks i was just living in denial i think.  I didn’t have to look at a hospital room and actually think about what this would all come to in the end.  I could just go on pretending that hospitals and medical equipment didn’t make me nervous, because i never had to look at it.  Last night i saw it all first hand.  I stood around, trying to remind myself that after all the horror that is sure to be Riley’s delivery, i would have a baby and that would make it all worth it.  But i was getting more and more freaked out the longer we stood there talking about 1 in 5 people having a c-section, and when one woman asked if mirrors would be available so she could watch i about lost it.

Luckily we ended the tour with the actual room where you spend time AFTER the birth of the baby…i again tried to remind myself that in the end good things were coming our way, even if it meant 10 hours of complete hell.  It didn’t really help…and I am terrified.